Last Call

Well, more proof that Milwaukee is crazy.

I’ve never understood the concept behind phone sex lines. It always seemed like the people who use those are the weirdos who are too scared to find a prostitute. Now I’ve also never given much thought to phone sex lines until I moved to Milwaukee. Now whenever I turn on the TV to watch Leno or Letterman I can’t go one commercial break without seeing at least two different phone sex ads. After awhile I started to notice a few things about these disturbing commercials.

First, the ladies on the commercials look like picking up the phone could be the most exciting thing that I could do. Forget about food, sleep, or anything else. All you need to do is touch that handset and bliss is yours (at $2.99 a minute). Sometimes they’ll be whole gaggles of ladies huddled around a phone having the times of their lives and that I should call too! Another thing is that there is more than one type of sex line. There are lines for guys calling for girls, girls calling for guys, guys calling for guys, and girls calling for girls. When the advertisements for different varieties it gets pretty confusing. I’ll go the bathroom and when I come back the lady in the lingerie has suddenly turned into a 250 lb shirtless man with a deep baritone voice. Now I’m not passing any moral judgments and I’m sure that all of these businesses make some people very happy. But for me I’ll take commercials advertising something that I might actually buy, like chocolate.